Friday, March 16, 1832

1832 March

Friday 16

8 1/2

1 5/..

Fine morning, F 58 1/2° at 8 1/2 in my room and 42° at 10 1/2 in the balcony –

Wrote 1 page of 1/2 sheet to Lady Gordon – Breakfast at 10 10/.. Just skimmed over the paper in about 10 minutes and came to my room at 11 10/.. – Very cheerful and talked a good deal, but perfectly proper and very comfortably careless. Lady S’s letter so hopeless for Miss Hobart about Italy remarked.  But no more of her –

From 11 25/.. to 12 wrote 3 pages more and finished the 1/2 sheet full to Lady Gordon and took it down for Miss H- to read – no objection –

Came upstairs again at 12 1/4 and from then to 1 1/2, puzzling over making, but at last to do them pretty readily, French envelopes –

From 1 40/.. to 3 50/.., looking at my Dutch journal and wrote nearly a page to Isabella Norcliffe –

Miss H- brought me her letter to Lady Stuart to read part of.  Got upon Italy and at last into the subject of our differences.  Told her was skeptical in all things of heart or love or friendship and wrept up in suspicions, and gave her a sort of jobation.  Said I would have amended all these things if I could, but owned myself beaten so far.   Perhaps when I did not care a twentieth part as much for her as I used to do, she might begin to think of it.  I began to get rather cross about it.  Now, in fact, the less I care for her, the better.  And luckily, I do not care as much as I did – I think, however, she is not quite happy about it, and this will do her no harm –

Wrote the last 7 lines till 4 – Went to Miss H- for a little while, then out at 4 1/2.  Walked nearly to the Hare and Hounds reading French vocabulary, when rain sent me back, and it continued all the way back – Came in at 5 40/.. – In returning, had called at Day’s – Could have a 1-horse pony phaeton to Bodiam Castle,18 miles, with or without the man himself for 15/. and 1/. for baiting the horse –

With Miss H- 10 minutes – Dressed – Dinner at 6 35/.. – Music – Coffee at 8 – From 9 to 10, played and won 3 hits at backgammon – From 10 to 11 5/.., read from 174 to end of page 193, end of Chapter 54, Gibbon, Volume X –

Then a little talk.  I had laughed and said this morning that we were perfectly opposite. Could not each others tally.  Might each seek and find another, and that we should be better to have Lady Gordon with us in Italy.  Yes, if you think so, said Miss H-.

Tonight I quoted David, saying when the child died, he washed and ate bread.  That I did so too. The child was dead and buried some days ago.  I saw her turn away, the tears trickling down her cheeks, but took no notice.

On coming upstairs, there was some hesitation in kissing her and saying goodnight, but I did both. She then held out her hand.  I was an instant in not taking it.  What, said she, shall we not give the right hand of fellowship? Oh yes,  said [I], why not?  Shook hands and came away.  There was a tear that she turned away to hide.  Foolish girl.  She likes me, yet she will soon get over it, and the less I think of her the better.  Her temper is not good.  We cannot suit.  How could I be happy with her? Oh, no more of it – 

She has her cousin tonight, the first time I ever perceived when she had this visitor –

Came upstairs at 11 1/2 and to my room at 11 35/.., at which hour F 60 1/2° in my room and 46° now at 12 1/2 tonight in the balcony – Hazy morning, but fair and finish till after 5, then rainy evening and rather raining now with highish wind –

Sent off my letter in little French envelope to Lady Duff Gordon ((vide line 7 )) below § under [cover] to Viscount Hereford’ and not knowing his own place, Miss H- added that of his brother-in-law, Mr. Peploe Jamston.

WYAS Finding Numbers SH:7/ML/E/15/0040 and SH:7/ML/E/15/0041