Sunday, October 7, 1832

1832

October

Sunday 7

7 1/4

12 1/4

Rainy morning,  F 55 1/2° at 7 1/4 –

Breakfast with my father at 8 20/.. – Talking to him – Looking again at last night’s paper and the last Gardeners’ magazine –

Off to church with my father at 10 down the old bank – 1 of the curates preached 28 minutes (stupidly) from 2 Corinthians iv. 3.

Returned up the new bank – Home at 1 10/.. – 2 hours musing in the library passage how to fit it up – at 3 10/.. my aunt and I read the evening service to my father –

Off to Lightcliffe at 3 50/.. – sat 1/2 hour with Mrs. Priestley to say goodbye and excuse myself from going to breakfast tomorrow –  She said Miss Walker was not at church in the morning – I observed all the blinds down – She must be ill.  I said I would call and inquire after her. Mrs. P- proposed going with me, and off we went about 5 – Mrs. P- sat a few minutes and would leave me there – Tea – Then cold tongue and bread and butter and wine at 9 – and staid till 10 and home in 1/2 hour – My father gone to bed – My aunt waiting for me – Had been frightened but said she would say nothing – I must stay all night in future –

Very glad to see me.  

Began again in about wishing me to have no hope, but that she had now said enough and would say no more about it.  I had declared I had given up all thought of the thing.  Had  positively no hope at all;  in fact, considered the decisive no as good as said.  No, she replied, I did not say that.  I will think about it, but don’t go on hoping.  I declared on my word I did not do so, thinking to myself, after much pretty talk I cared little about it anyway; will do.  It seems I can have her as my mistress and may amuse myself. 

She kissed me and lay on my arm as before, evidently excited, though talking of her coldness, which I never contradict.  Said a little French countess had taught me much of foreign manners and court scandal.  My aunt afraid of her for me.  To prove I had no hope, said I had told my aunt so.  Yet I kissed and pressed very tenderly, and got my right hand up her petticoats to queer, but not to the skin.  Could not get through her thick knitted drawers, for tho she never once attempted to put my hand away, she held her thighs too tight together for me.  I shall manage it the next time.

She said she had now begun with fires in her room.  Said I would sit by it with her.  Laughed and said the dressing room door should have opened into the bedroom.  And finding my conversation needed not be so straitlaced as for Catharine Rawson, hinted at the only use of pocket-holes abroad, etc. etc., and quizzed her for thinking we might be as comfortable, she at Cliff Hill and I at Shibden, as if we were together –

In fact, I may certainly have my own way, she all the time telling of her coldness.  She asked me to spend the whole day and stay all night on Tuesday.  I said I would breakfast with her. 

I wonder what she will say when I have once fairly done my best for her.  It will be odd enough then to talk of no hope.  If she really continues to excite and amuse me, well and good.  I will take her on her own terms, and when I am tired, the no hope business will always be a plea to get off.  

How little she dreams of all this.  She thinks me over head and ears, past recall.  Her mumbling kisses and anything but coldness have done a world of good.  She thinks me the only one in danger.  If I am, I the greatest, she has not much to fear.  She owns she cares for me.  She consulted me again tonight about the Atkinsons. I shall soon get quite into her confidence.

 I wonder whether she is too deep for me, or I for her –

Very fine, delightful, moonlight night – Fine morning at 6 – rain from soon after, more or less till almost church-going time, and a slight shower met us at the top of the bank – Afterwards, fine day – F 56 1/2° now at 11 1/2 p.m., till which hour, wrote all but the 1st 2 lines of today –

John came for me tonight and went first to the Priestleys.  They will talk us over and think something is in the wind.  Mrs. P said yesterday my going to her, Miss W,  so much was a good thing for her –

WYAS Finding Numbers SH:7/ML/E/15/0128 and SH:7/ML/E/15/0129