Thursday, October 11, 1832

1832

October

Thursday 11

5 50/..

11 5/..

Very fine morning, F 62° at 6 and 6 3/4 a.m. – Evidently there had been rain recently –

Off to Lidgate at 7 10/.. and there in 35 minutes, just before it began to drizzle and rain along my walk –

Miss Walker came down in two or three minutes.  Above an hour at breakfast.  She then shewed me the letter from her cousin, Mr. Edwards at Kinson, thanking her for her offer of lending him five hundred but asking the loan of three thousand.  Wrote her a copy of answer, which she wrote verbatim, saying she had meant to give him the five hundred, but could do no more.  Straitened by her late purchases, etc. for the present.  The magnitude of her expenses uncertain for the future, and she would not anticipate her resources by borrowing. 

Confidential conversation.  She influenced by all I said.  Mrs. Hartley tipples brandy and water.  advised her by no means visiting her at Bingley.  

Got on very well.  Kissing as usual.  Dinner at 2 in about 1/2 hour – did not take much – Afterwards, lovemaking and kissing, she lying on my arm.  Told her as we got to talking more and more as if we should be together, that I thought of taking down the kitchen part, castellating the new part and the lodge from the Godley road, and changing the name to Shibden Castle.  That if I could, I would give Saint James’s Church a painted window with the likeness of my uncle.  That not my sister, but the Listers in Wales would be my heirs, according to my uncle’s wish.  That as soon as we had been settled together, I would settle Shibden on her for life.  We talked of the Ainsworths coming to Cliff Hill and getting Lightcliffe chapel for his.  She might be able to get the Archbishop’s interest with our vicar.  I feared that might be refused, but I could perhaps apply to the vicar thro the next best channel (meaning but not saying so, Lord Wharncliffe) –

As it became dusk, we crept closer and I, without any resistance, got for the first time right middle finger up her queer at three separate times, she nothing loath, but evidently excited, liking it, and wet, and taking it altogether as if she had learnt her lesson before in this way too as well as in kissing.  She whispered that she loved me then. 

Afterwards, said her mind was quite unmade up, and bade me not be sanguine.  The name of Cliff Hill escaped me, and she burst into tears and said if she could regret it at that moment, what should she do afterwards?  How can I tell what to make of her? She had casually said Catharine Rawson had often said she should like to live with her.  They had long ago talked of it, but now and of late she had thought it would not answer, and was getting off thought.  Then my surmise was probably true when I fancied that Catharine’s classics might have taught her the trick of debauching Miss W.   Yes, Miss W has been taught by someone.

We had agreed we could not be quite common friends again, and yet her cool advice to me just before leaving her not to hope too much sickened me at heart, and I said to myself as I walked along, Damn her.  She is an old hand, and has nor shame nor anything.  She certainly takes all very much like one of the initiated –

Home in 1/2 hour or 25 minutes at 6 50/.. – Drizzling, rain – Rain more or less all the day.  Changed my clothes – Dinner at 7 1/2 – Came into the little room at 8 1/2 –

Wrote all the above of today till 9 1/3 – Found very kind letter, 3 pages and ends, from Mrs. Norcliffe (Langton).  Will be glad to see me at Langton, and why I should not spend the winter in Bath – Poor Mr. James Dalton had fallen and put out his ankle –

Charles and James Howarth were to fasten railing at the bottom of the Dolt walk, and did that against Wellroyde wood – Except this, nobody working (by day) for me.  

Read part of the paper – Came upstairs at 9 55/.. – Drizzly, rainy day and evening 61 about 8 a.m. – F 63 1/2° at 10 p.m. --

WYAS Finding Numbers SH:7/ML/E/15/0130 and SH:7/ML/E/15/0131