Saturday, October 26, 1833

 

1833

October

Saturday 26

7 55/..

12 3/4

Very fine morning, F 61° at 9 1/4 a.m.

Grieved to miss my walk, but today is post-day, so sat down to answer Mariana’s letter at 9 20/.. –

Had Thomas up – and talked to him 1/2 hour about whether he would like to go back to England or not – Said I would give him an excellent character and take care that Mrs. Lawton found no fault about his returning – I think the man’s inclination is evidently for returning if he was not afraid of what M- would say – told him to consider about it – I could send him back in the spring from Hamburg –

Breakfast at 10 1/2 – Afterwards had a little nap –

M. and Madame de Billé, nee Bulow, called in person and left cards at 1 1/4 as I was not at home – I will receive in a morning some times –

At 2 3/4 had finished my letter to M- – 3 pages and under the seal (ends  etc. very small and close) –

Miss Ferrall came before 3 and staid till 3 1/2 – then read over my letter to M- –

‘I congratulate you on Mr. Lawton’s so perfect recovery –

I grieve over the sentence ‘I try not to disquiet myself in vain, tho’ my mind is sometimes rebellious’  ‘Nothing is wanted but a little energy and determination to set your mind to rights – Go straight forward hand in hand with that stout-siding champion, Conscience, and happiness is within reach of us all – Take plenty of air and exercise – Ride – Amuse yourself – Do as much good as you have been accustomed to do – Do not get fat like the Norcliffes, but do not minish and bring yourself low by dwelling upon anything disagreeable –

The letter from which you give me a little quotation, is clear as the day’ –

Then glad she left ‘poor Nantz’ better etc. etc. – She was quite right to go to church at Lawton – ‘Surely your mind will be more tranquil on this melancholy subject by and by’ –

Conclude they will winter at Leamington – ‘Do tell me if Miss Cholmley will be there’ and if she, Mariana, will have Emma Strickland in the winter –

Ask after Mrs. Best etc.

Congratulations to Mrs. Miller on being supposed in a family way –

I read Thomas your paragraph concerning him – I do not fancy he particularly likes being abroad – Do pray tell me what you and Grantham told him his wages were to be – I gave poor George £20 and never thought of offering or giving Thomas more and considered this understood, but he says you and Grantham told him 20 guineas.  Underlined this sentence that it may catch your eye, and that you may be sure not to forget to give me an answer in your next –

I really go on very well, and am very comfortable –

Eugénie making me a white satin for the Queen’s birthday ball on Wednesday – impossible to go to a birthday in black.  Merely throw it off for the night –

‘I was presented last Wednesday – I am indeed farther in point of society’ – Few people in town, get to know 40, so not likely to be dull –

‘I fear you would think me as much spoilt here as elsewhere – Indeed, indeed, Mary, everybody is so civil, and several so very kind and attentive, that I am already as much at home here, as if I had been domiciliated for years – I shall not ever have the pother of going in the line of carriages on Wednesday, or perhaps afterwards; as I have 2 offers from friends who have the entrée, the right to couper la ligne – The great gaieties do not begin till January, but there will be plenty of lesser things from the end of next month; and now there is a most agreeable sociable kind of sociable visiting I enjoy very much – In fact, I am seldom an evening at home’ . . . . . . .

Spent 2 days in the country – One night with a charming friend of Lady Harriet’s – Shall be quiet till moving-time next year – Find no fault with the climate yet – Uncertain – like England – East winds and humid and good to give rheumatism – Have not felt so incommoded as at Hastings – East winds not so bad as at Scarbro’ – agues in the spring – shall be off before then tho’ may delay on account of being so well received and comfortable –

4 lines from the bottom of p. 3 – ‘But I reserve this remaining scrap of  this page to say that I shall hear nothing from Hammersleys till the end of the year – They will, of course, acknowledge the receipt of the £200 to you immediately this and £100 more will make you have £500 in my hands at 4 per cent dating from the 1st of January next – We will arrange about the payment of the interest when I see you again – This present memorandum will be enough till I send you a more regular account and acknowledgment, which I will do, before leaving here – But I am in very good health so far – Should anything happen to you before me, and without the leaving any direction to the contrary, I shall consider myself as holding the principal sum of five hundred pounds and all accumulations of simple interest there upon due in trust for your niece Mariana, her heirs, executors and assigns – I have inadvertently written the above (i.e. 5 lines) on the wrong end of my paper – you had better therefore keep the whole page –

Then speaking of Copenhagen, ‘I shall really leave here with regret whenever the time comes – It is not I hope, in my nature to be ungrateful; and indeed I am so kindly received here, owing to my very good friends, the de Hagemanns and de Bluchers, that as far as society is concerned, I could not be more comfortable – Besides, it is really like being in a capital – I am always au courant des affaires – I see the corps diplomatique, and leading people, and the business of nations has always interested me more than village scandal – Excuse the expression, but my mind seems as if it has room to stir in; and this is in some sort a necessity to those from whom Providence, for some wise, and doubtless, merciful reason, has withheld the kindred charms of domestic life – But, Mary, you would be pleased to see me so well and happy as I really am – I find, I need not sigh in hopeless despair for a compagnon de voyage – at least, I have more than once had the vanity to imagine, it would be my own fault if I left here alone – But single blessedness has, at least, some conveniences; and if I am not persuaded out of my present ideas, I shall take a ramble by myself –

Cheer up your friend Miss Cholmley – It is folly to have vapors about anything –

God bless you, Mary! I have always said I would never be unhappy if you were happy – I can keep my word, and will –

Very especially and entirely yours,

AL—’

Had just finished the above extract from my letter at 4 1/4 –

Dressed – Off at 4 55/.. to dine with Lady Harriet – And left for the post my letter to ‘Mrs. Lawton, Claremont house, Leamington, Warwickshire, England’ –

Tête-à-tête till 9 (were to have gone to baron Nicolay’s together, but they were not at home) – when the 2 ministers of Spain and Austria came and Major Vinniky? and a Monsieur and Madame . . . . . , she Compte Blucher’s cousin and he, head of the douanes here and in full gold unbraided dark blue coat with star and very fine – Lady Harriet did not introduce me – so talked the Spanish minister all the 4 or perhaps as much as 5 minutes the lady stayed, who must have thought Lady Harriet’s not presenting me odd enough – 

She looked shy and uncomfortable and glad when the lady went, for she does not like ladies.  I fancied her not presenting me was accident or a thoughtless omission, but no, she said, the lady gave no parties.  It would be useless to present me.  Besides, Countess Blucher was intimate with her, being Count B’s cousin and would do it better.  

Oh, oh, thought I, but took no notice.  I begin to smoke farther than to say slightly as I had done before.  I did not mind peoples giving parties, but it was comfortable to know them if I met them.  She said now she had three visits more to pay, but said not a word of taking me.  

I see clearly now what I only suspected before, that she means to present me no more? and take me nowhere in future.  By and by, I asked her advice about calling on the maids of honour.  It now seems that as she does not go to court herself, she is not the person to advise.  Declined giving advice.  Countess Blucher would do it better.  I see the feeling my lady had about my going with the Countess to the Dutch and Swedish ambassadors has ripened into a regular jealousy.  I laughed and said she was my natural adviser, but as she gave me up, I must do the best I could.

We had talked on well enough during the evening, but from two or three expressions, I gather feelings? I had said something about receiving.  She took fright.  Said it would do me no good.  I could not at an inn.  She should be miserable at my doing so.  Single people never did, unless they were very rich.  She did not see how I could do it.  Must then trouble myself and think of a thousand things how to occupy people, etc. etc. How was it I never thought of all this in Paris? I quietly said it was impossible with my aunt, but that it might be different in future, speaking of Vere and Hastings.  But, said she, Vere did not always agree with you? Said I did not know that we differed much in opinion.  We had got on very well together.

In the early part of the evening, we had joked about her, Lady Harriet, always looking on the dark side and I always on the bright – She has a bad temper, or rather an unhappy one, and would put anyone into the vapors and set them against all the people – Countess Blucher was right.  Lady H- is out of sorts with her and me too, but she will not plainly shew it against me.  I must joke no more with or about her.  She had said it was very right not to receive the Billes this morning.  But why, thought I.  I see I must mind what I am about.  I will ask the de Hs’ advice no more, and be very cautious, but nothing different shall appear.

She had said ladies did not go about every night – I shall profit by her let slips.  I shall be able to judge by the civility or not of the people how far I have done right or wrong.  I shall tread my ground cautiously with the Brownes.  Neither they nor others like the de Hs.  I see they are vexed at my having gone to court and would gladly have kept me away.  What can be their reason?   She thought I had been very often at the Bluchers.  No, I thought not. Three or four evenings – 

There is jealousy at the bottom.  Well, she may make herself unhappy, but not me. –

Very fine day – F 62 1/2° now at 12 10/.. tonight –

She said the Russian secretary Dashkoff had wondered he had never met me there.  At the moment, this did not strike me, and Mr. de H- said some evenings back I might find it stupid to go there every evening.  

Now enough of all this.   Care not.  Seem perfectly innocent of having even observed it –

 

WYAS Finding Numbers SH:7/ML/E/16/0126, SH:7/ML/E/16/0127, and SH:7/ML/E/16/0128