Friday, December 5, 1834

1834

December

Friday 5

8 50/..

11 10/..

No kiss.  Fine, but rather hazy morning; Fahrenheit 49° at 9 40/.., at which hour, breakfast – and reading the morning Herald till 11 –

With the sempstresses doing the blue room drugget –

Read Ann my letter to Mariana.  I saw she did not like the conclusion, thank you again, my dearest Mary, for all your good wishes and kindness about me and mine.  ‘The heart that has truly loved never forgets.’ Ever very affectionately and especially yours, AL.  I said I knew what she was thinking.  It struck myself too that the poetical quotation was equivoqe and I would write the letter over again. I see Ann would soon be jealous without care on my part –

Till one, rewriting my letter to Mariana, for altered it a good deal

Afraid Mariana will have thought me long in writing.  Hope she will make allowances for me now in consideration of my having written so much earlier the last time than she expected – ‘I am busy as usual; but worse than this, I am unsettled, that is, the alterations in the house, however small they may be, have thrown all my things into confusion – Books, papers, all have to be re-assorted – In destroying many of the latter, I hope I may comfort myself with the idea of following your good example – I hope I shall leave behind me as little as possible to make you doubt my prudence –

Because you were thankful we did not happen to meet, I will be so too – You hope we shall meet, by and by; and I am satisfied – You are right to consider not for me, but for yourself – Perhaps I have been more obliged to the exercise of moral courage than you have been; and this may make the difference between us’ –

Did rather doubt her being still so much and kindly interested about Shibden – Shall have pleasure in being more communicative in future – Long explanation of where the men servants sleep, cabinets d’eau, etc. etc.  Mention the 2 new windows ‘looking upon what used to be the terrace walk, now lowered’ –

Mentioned our having been in York – and my having heard from Norcliffe a long account of his American travels, and my having told him he absolutely par courer the United States and that I wished I had run over his ground, but dared not attempt to calculate now what I might be able to do in future –

My aunt much the same as for some months past – Sends her kind love –

God bless you, my dearest Mary!

Ever very especially and affectionately yours,

A L –’

Sent off by George about 3 p.m. my letter to Mrs. Lawton, Lawton Hall, Lawton, Cheshire’ –

Then wrote 3 pages and ends to Mrs. Norcliffe –

Beginning with my dear Mrs. Norcliffe,

Had I no other reason for writing, I could not help offering you my very sincere condolence on the death of poor Fisher . . . . . . sincere condolence to her ‘(Burnett)’ too, as being 2nd, perhaps, only to yourself in knowing thoroughly the real of her departed friend –

All who knew him at all, owed him, at least, the tribute of respect; and none pays it with more heartfelt sincerity than I do –

But, my dear Mrs. Norcliffe, forgive me, if, for the 1st time in twenty-four years of your unvaried kindness to me, I doubt whether you still give me as much credit, on the score of sincerity, as I feel to deserve – I have lived too long not to have learnt how fatally presumptive evidence may be sometimes turned against us all – I have almost daily, since my return home on the 30th of August, thought of writing to you; and my not having written long ago, had certainly not originated in any diminished anxiety on your account, or in any falling-off remembrance of all your kindness –

You will have heard that my friend and I passed through York last week, and drank tea in the minster court – There was a something in the manner of Charlotte and Mrs. Milne, which struck me forcibly – I hope I was wrong in understanding that anyone, much less yourself, believed it possible, I should intentionally, at any time, or in any place, neglect an old friend from such a paltry notion as I am ashamed even to name –

I was three days in London (arrived on Sunday 8 June), the whole of one of which was spent in sickness and in bed, and two in driving about town, and probably within a stone’s cast of Cavendish Square – Tell me, my dear Mrs. Norcliffe, do you believe, I should have passed, without one syllable of inquiry, the door of an old friend whose bread I had eaten so often, and so happily? Do you believe this?

I neither knew of, nor thought of your being in London – I said so in the minster court, and grieved over the singularity of my two friends still bringing forward arguments with seeming intention to disprove the correctness of what I said  –

But enough of this – It hurts and disappoints me – I really value your good opinion and regard; and it is not, and shall not be, my fault if I do not keep them both:  – but I should deserve neither, if my mind and heart were of that narrow kind which seems to have been supposed’ –

Should be delighted to hear good accounts of her . . . . Hope Norcliffe had got my letter –

My kindest regards to you all –

Ever, my dear Mrs. Norcliffe, affectionately yours,

A Lister’ –

Then writing copy of letter to Lady Stuart de Rothesay –

Dinner at 6 – Coffee – Lost 5 hits – A little while with my father and Marian – 20 minutes with my aunt – Sat talking to Ann and admiring with her the blue room –

Very fine day – Sorry not to have stirred out –

Marginal notes:

Ann cross or queer this morning because she fancied me going to interfere with her in arranging her books

Note by this morning’s post from Mr. Parker to ask to see the trust deed of Mrs. Ferguson’s (late Firth, late Bolland) £2000 – her daughter Mrs. Graham dead –

WYAS Finding Numbers SH:7/ML/E/17/0120 and SH:7/ML/E/17/0121