Monday, October 19, 1829 Travel Journal

1829

October

Monday 19

8

2 35/60

Twenty five minutes on the pot, then washed and cut my toenails. Ready at 9 35/60 – Breakfast at 10 –

Off at 11 5/60 with guide to the maison de force in 20 minutes –3/4 hour there – Then walk along the town – Past the beguinage, the hotel de ville, Scamp’s house and that of Louis 18, and home at 1 1/2 – Lady Stuart not returned – Went to the cathedral and government house.  Home at 2 – Dinner at 2 1/4 – Coffee –

Off at 4 – At Peteghen at 5 20/60 – Again talk about the horses – Lady Stuart with me from Ghent the 2 first stages – Off from Peteghen at 5 37/60 – Peteghen 1 long narrowish street, whitewashed, neat brick church – Goodish little town –

At rue St. Eloi (dark) a single house at 6 50/60 – The diligence we detained there 25 minutes – Off at 7 1/4 –

At Courtray at 8 35/60 – Tea at 9 –

The country from Gand, as far as we could see, i.e. the 1st stage, quite a garden – Great deal of young oak copse wood close along the road just out of Gand, and avenue of young beeches – Country very much under water – The Lys much beyond its ordinary bounds – Poplars and Pollard willows – Great many alder hedges all in the water – Some let to be very tall – Others had been cut down 2, 3, or 4 years ago – Good pavé – Quite flat all the way – Neat cottages – but apparently the country not so populated on this side Gand as on the Brussels side? –

Much interested this morning at the maison de force – Octagon – therefore, 8 quartiers, but one not yet built up – Line standing there ready for heckling – 1300 prisoners, of which 270 women –

Began today to sup at 5 and go to bed a 5 1/2, at which hour, locked up in the rooms, and not allowed to have any light – In winter, at work at 7 1/2 a.m. to 12, then an hour for dinner, then work till 5, and 1/2 hour for supper, and go to bed – In summer, work from 4 1/2 to 9, having 1/2 hour allowed at 9, an hour at 12, 1/2 hour at 4, and 1/2 hour at 9, and go to bed at 9 1/2 –

All the men weaving or reeling linen or cotton – Some of the women drying and getting up the linen of the household, some cooking, some spinning, some reeling linen – Some of the men can have as much as 7 francs a week left to them the 1/2 of their earnings being taken by government for the support of the establishment – They work for the army – Make their strong linen trowsers and cotton shirts –

Allowed 4 pounds meat a week but have it only in soup – It looked like a mess of thin rice pudding mixed up with soup – A “cantine” or little shop in each quartier, where the detenus can buy coffee, butter, graisse, and some other little things –

The men sleep in hammocks – 5 in one very small room – All the bedrooms the same size – the women’s rooms same size, but only 2 beds for 4 people in the room – Some of the latter furnished with shelves full of plates and spoons etc. like a little ménage – The working rooms low, and 44 men in each.  Too crowded – The looms quite close to each other –

Not one handsome man or pretty woman – Scarcely a good looking person, but all looked contented though pale –

None sent here for less than 5 years, some for 10 – some 20 – some for life – But the people happy.  Some, when let out, even steal again to get back again – All the prisoners, voleurs or ‘assassins,’ associate together – 15 or 16 assassins there now – But not murderers par malice but by accident –

Came to my room at 12 5/60, immediately after Lady Stuart went – Fine day till soon after we left Gand, then began to drizzle a little and rained more or less the whole of the rest of the day – The last time at Gand au seconde.  This time au 1er premier, the salon with a balcon, handsome lofty room – Excellent apartment of salon and 2 chaise à coucher à 3 lits – My room low and large on the other side the passage – Tolerably good dinner, but bad Bordeaux St. Julien at 5/. and dirty Inn – At least nor plates, nor knives, nor spoons clean –

Stood tonight before and after curling for half hour, scratching my head and musing.  Curious day I have spent. I shall hate her at last. 

After all yesterday, we were most agreeable in the carriage.  This morning, too, at first standing together on the balcon, she said in her usual way, why do you look at me?  I joked she imitated my manner of looking at her.  No, said I then, I am not conscious of it.  To do so would be rude. She answered, ‘No not that. There can be no rudeness between you and me. 

As we sat down to breakfast, I by and by said I only asked her one favour, not to tell Sibbella exactly everything.  She promised not, saying ‘I should be very foolish if I did tell her all the folly.  If you had liked me in a common way, we should have been much better friends than we are.  We should have been very good friends and you would not have had so many cross looks.  It is not all my fault.  You should not altogether blame me.  I have done all I can to take away the delusion.  It is inconceivable to me’  I looked and merely said quietly, I think your ideas have sometimes gone a little farther than they ought, and certainly farther than mine.  ‘I hope they have’ said she.  I made no direct reply but simply said I was going to see the maison de force and went off. 

Of course, I could not get all this out of my head.  I was every now and then in tears, and somehow could not get up my spirits, but did not see them again till sitting down to dinner, and then, though grave and not eating much and never looking at all at her, yet my countenance and manner were composed.   She saw what was the matter, and just tapped me on the shoulder saying with a kindish look, Miss Lister.  But I took no notice, simply saying, Oh, I bought you something this morning.  Nothing more passed.

Lady Stuart went the first stage and half the second.  When Miss Hobart came to me, I was rather silent till we stopt to change, then some little opportunity of saying I had bought her golden ink to gild her words when she had anything dur to say.  Brought on the subject, said I had really never understood her before, but repeating her words, said I could no longer be in the dark said my own mind was perhaps more like Locke’s blank sheet of paper than hers.  I now understood much she had said to me I could not account for before.  Her joke about parental etc. I [had] forgotten she was more than sixteen in these matters and found my mistake. 

All I wished was really to justify myself to prove she had mistaken me altogether, for I could indeed have acted towards my own or any child I loved as I had acted to her.  She said it was hard to have her words so taken up and pulled in pieces, tried to eat them, and got nervous and almost crying.  I said that in proportion as one cared for a person, one noticed what they said, but I would do as she liked, notice nothing, forget everything.  

She talked of being ungrateful I said I should not have found it out had she not told me.  She said my regard was flattering to her, etc.  She only wished it as much for my comfort.  Said she needed nothing of me.  I only wished her not to believe me quite so great a goose.  At last she gave me a kiss, and we were all right. She said she knew by my voice when anything was the matter.  It was so equal, so even.  But I was better now,  had relieved myself and thrown the weight on her.

Just near Courtray, I began to say well, my coming all this way was perhaps odd.  Though it never struck me before, I now felt ashamed of going to Calais, and mentioned leaving them at Dunkerque.  Asked her advice, but might take her wishes either way.

Arrived here, had tea, never looked at her, but composed and behaved well, talked as if in good spirits, but talking of the dried priests at Bom and of Miss Devonshire that I might have and they, she mentioning looking under bed.  Said if a man’s head was out first, he should not escape alive. I had always a big candlestick, however.

She volunteered coming to my room for ink. Gave her the little bottle of gold ink.  She kissed me for it of her own accord.  I laughed and said the skies would fall.  We all sat in her bedroom writing journal and accounts.  She shewed me a line or two of nonsense and asked me to write festina lente, which I did, then adding μελέτη  το παν.  What is that, time does everything? Tis very near that, said I, and added that it was Nothing is impossible to industry.

As soon as Lady Stuart went, I got up to wish good night. ‘You need not go without you like.’ Then, before I had time to answer, ‘Yes, you had better go too.’ I stood a moment as if doubting. ‘Won’t you give me a kiss?’ I gave one and came away –

Well, said I to myself, love rashly formed too often ends in hate.  She needs pother about my fretting over her ingratitude.

Better for writing the above.  

After all, I think she fights against liking me.  She said to me after all was over in the carriage, ‘You were wicked,’ as if she knew well enough what I meant by understanding her.  I told her I could do all to Sibbella I had done to her, liked kissing a child’s throat and had therefore kissed hers.  I wonder how it will all end.  I do not fancy she will hate me.  At all rates, I shall not die of love for her.  I told her she had certainly been mistaken.  I could, if I chose, give a strong reason to prove that, meaning in my mind another attachment. But enough of her.  I’ll stay the time out to shew her I shall not die of her ingratitude –

Had just written all this crypt of today at 2 10/60 –

 

WYAS Finding Numbers SH:7/ML/TR/4/0008,  SH:7/ML/TR/4/0009 and SH:7/ML/TR/4/0010