Friday, March 9, 1832

 

1832 March

Friday 9

7 1/2

12 50/..

Fine, frosty morning. F 56° at 7 1/2 in my room and 40° at 9 in the balcony –

Downstairs at 9 – Miss Hobart writing to Lady Stuart, and finished copying the paper she lent me, Dr. Stewart’s method of treating pulmonary consumption –

Breakfast at 10 – Off, Miss H- and I, and Norbury with George by way of treat, at 11 10/.. to see Winchelsea and Rye – 

Went by Pett to return Miss H-’s call from Mrs. Henry Wynch of Pett Rectory – There at 12 5/.. – received by the old Wynch mother for a few minutes till the daughter-in-law came herself, and soon afterwards, the long thin Reverend Henry himself, who would have talked much more in answer to my talking, had his mother left room – The living his own – Bought about 7 years ago – Had added to the small, low house, planted all shrubs and flowers, and laid out £300 upon the small, low, picturesque, neat-looking village church – 

The village very straggling; goes down towards the sea – and saw few houses – What we had already passed thro’ even as far as the Church, belonging to Fairlight parish – The Churches all about here in bad repair and very damp – Commonly descended into by 3 steps – Staid about 1/2 hour, but our postboy unluckily missed his road, and instead of driving us to Winchelsea, went down into Pett Level, kept close by the Martello Towers along the beach, along a very bad, rutty, common cart road till near to Camber Castle (a mercy the springs bore it), and could not get back into the proper road till just under Winchelsea, when we crossed the canal and drove off in comfort the 3 or 2 1/2 miles across the Level to Rye –

The Level a capital place for snipes in winter – Full of ditches and pools of water. Not much cattle on it, tho’ seeming very fair pasture – all in grass – We meant to have gone to Camber, but found it impossible – The canal between us – We should have gone before we turned off towards Winchelsea to get into the right road –

At Rye, the George Inn (the best, but alehouse-like) at 1 3/4 – Waited about 1/4 hour in a cold room, then set off with a dirtyish sort of fellow as guide to see the town – Picturesquely situated on a hill – Steep, narrow streets paved with small boulders – No store or appearance of business – The canal on one side, west, the town along the foot of the hill, the harbor on the other – Went into the large old church dedicated to Saint Mary and said to be one of the largest parish churches in England – Nothing within worth seeing but a handsome carved mahogany altar table said to be a Spanish table – Too cold for Miss H-, so hurried off in a moment –

Then went to the Ypres (pronounced ey-press) Tower, now the jail with one prisoner, a smuggler, within and not far from the church – It is ‘a strong square pile with a round tower at each corner’ and was built by William de Ypres, created Earl of Kent by King Stephen, and who died in 1162 – Was bought by the corporation in the 14th century and used as town hall till the building of the present one in the marketplace – Close to the tower is a battery that used to mount 18 guns, but we saw not one – Then went to the north or land gate, on the Dover road, it has ‘a handsome gothic arch guarded on each side by a round tower’ (History of counties of Surrey and Sussex, Volume 2, page 623) – of the strand or 5th gate, leaving towards Winchelsea, not a vestige remaining – and of the walls of the town (of Edward 3rd’s time) the parts said to be still existing on the west side, are scarcely distinguishable –

Off back again at 3 10/.. – stopt 10 minutes at Winchelsea to see the church (Winchelsea far more picturesque and worth seeing as a sight than Rye?) and home at 5 20/.. –

Sat musing. Another tiff. I had been in good spirits had looked at her and in Pett Level going, had taken and kissed her hand, saying it was to console me for the want of something else, and had said, laughing, my dearest Vere.  She said it was terrible. Gave me a sharp, queer answer, and I turned grave and silent.  

On arriving at Rye, she said she had been goodish and was sorry.  I said I was sorry and felt as if I cared for nothing. Why, she said, I did mind her. Why not scold. I said she might set me right if she chose. She held out her forehead. I kissed it, and we got on pretty well, but I was grave and silent all the way back, though in good humour on getting home. 

She came to me, said something conciliatory, but I then got more hurt about it and inadvertently said, well, go away and never mind.  She left me in a moment, saying, well you never told me to go away before. I then sat musing, the tears in my eyes, till after six.

Then dressed – Dinner at 6 35/.. in about 35 minutes – Music and I read thro’ the newspaper – coffee at 8 20/..Won 1 and lost 1 hit at backgammon – From 9 35/.. to 11 35/.., read the first 50 pages, Chapter 52, Volume X, Gibbon – Came upstairs at 10 3/4 and to my room at 11 3/4 –

She kept me talking.  Such a pity I thought of things so long, when she meant nothing at all. I tried to console her, promised not to think of it etc. etc.  She did not know what would become of us or what we should do, as if any break between [us] never entered her head as possible, in fact, as if we had been tied together. And the moment my consolations seemed the least bordering on the possibility of my escape, then that, she said, was what she did not like. 

She wanted me to feel the same, but to shew it differently. I told her she often imputed to me thoughts I had not, and gave importance to things that they did not deserve, for what, in fact, had I said or done. She owned all this, but said there was a manner and that I had not it to suffer.  How should I like it if she was to choose the person for me, and she would not Lady S de R or Lady Gordon – Strongly insinuating that I was not the person from whom she liked. I quietly answered, well, I should be the more a patient martyr, I think, of the two, meaning than Miss H- – 

She hoped I should never try the same thing with anybody else.  It might be less safe. It was a great pity I expected so much. I wanted what she could not give. I let this last pass apparently unnoticed. The truth is, she feels what she does not quite know how to account for satisfactorily to herself.  I always suspect poor Sibbella of saying something or other about me and thus perhaps all the mischief may arise.  She owned yesterday she did not like me to kiss her or to let it alone, and I begin to get rather wearied.  However, she was in tears, which I kissed away, and we parted good friends.

She gains nothing by the setoffs.  The gain, however small, is on my side.  But, thought I as I mused upon it afterwards, well, let this be a lesson. Let us have two maids and two carriages. Let me have the power of escape, not obliged to have all  the pother of an invalid for nothing. Lady Stuart de Rothesay was right.  The very restraint in opening and shutting windows would be too much, and I find she means me to pay all the expenses of the maid.  So let me keep what I have, rather than have but half and pay all. 

Miss H’s interest weighs heavier with her than her regard.  She said yesterday she was very foolish; she should consult her own interest much better if she did not do as she did. Alas, said I, I never think of interest.  Yes, but I am not quite so gratuitously foolish as she thinks.  

How many more times shall we tiff? I told her last night, and this she did not like, that as she could not change, I would try what I could do, and when I ceased to give her occasion to do in this way, of course the difficulty would cease –

Very fine, cold, frosty day. Wind East – F 63° at 11 3/4 in my room and 40° at 12 1/4 in the balcony.

WYAS Finding Number SH:7/ML/E/15/0036